Here's Your Sign Jokes

I'm not a huge Redneck comedy fan, although I do listen to the Foxworthy Countdown every week. However, I think that the "Here's Your Sign" jokes by Bill Engvall are hilarious. Some of them anyway. So, I'm posting some of my favorites. Enjoy!

1.) I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say, "I'm Stupid." That way, you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You'd be like, "Oh, excuse me.. never mind. I didn't see your sign!"

2.) My wife and I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes, and there was a U-haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over, goes "Hey, you moving?" I said, "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week, just to see how many boxes it takes." Here's your sign.

3.) Last time I was home, I was driving around and had a flat tire. I pulled my truck over to one of them little gas stations and the attendent came out. I swear he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist, I said, "Nope. I was just driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me!" Here's your sign.

4.) You know, I was watching one of them animal shows on Discovery Channel, and there was some guy inventing a shark-bite suit. There's only one way to test that... " Now we want you to jump in, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you!" Here's your sign.

5.) Well, myu wife and I were trying to sell our car about a year ago. Well, some guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. He gets back to the house, gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Dang, that's hot!" See, if he would have been wearing a sign, I could have stopped that. Here's your sign.

6.) My wife and I learned this a long time ago, we don't play board games together. Like, we were trying to play Pictionary together one night, and she was like, "Draw Draw DRAW Bill. Come on Bill, scribble, come on Bill, what is that? Oh great Bill. Now we're losers. Let's just change the name on the mailbox to Mr. and Mrs. Loser." Here's your sign.

7.) We're playing Pictionary, and the girls need one drawing to win the game. My wife is guessing. Ya'll, her partner drew a straight line, and my wife goes, "Hydroponic Farm?" And the girls are like YEAHHHH!!! Meet Mrs. Milton Bradley.

8.) We tried playing Scrabble one night, oh what a joke. My wife keeps busting out words that I've never even heard of, and I'm busting out words like "et." She goes, "What kind of a word is that?!" I told her, "Like, he et his biscuit. Past tense, I believe, sweetie."